1. "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

2. "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield

3. "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.

4. "My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips.

5. "When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
Mae West.

6. "What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap."
James Agate

7. "I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.

8. "My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson

9. "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

10. "A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing."
Phyllis Diller

11. "The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage."
Will Cuppy

12. "Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night."
Woody Allen

13. "My best birth control now is to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers

14. "It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Monroe.

15. "Oh Lord give me chastity, but do not give it yet."
St Augustine