Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck
with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If
the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes
and still try their luck with others.

***************
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to
wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An
old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect
you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't
believe you
***************

Agreed??

_________________

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually
mean...)


10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone
calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar
system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than
dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only men like you.)

....and the number 1 rejection line given by women


1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail
about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male
perspective thing)

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+1

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I'm Glad I'm A Man!

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.

I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.

I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.

I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.

I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.

I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.

I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!




I'm Glad I'm A Woman!

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.

I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!

I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.

I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.

It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.

Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.

I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.

Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.

I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

_________________

Types Of Female Orgasms

There are at least EIGHT types of ORGASM of a WOMAN

1. The Optimist - Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes..................

2. The Pessimist - Oh No, Oh No, Oh No....................

3. The Confused - Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No............

4. The Traveler - Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming.............

5. The Religious - Oh God, Oh God.........................

6. The Userer - Ahh, More, More, More.....................

7. The Murderer - Ahh, If you take it out, I'll kill you...

8. The Submariner - Mmm...OHHH...Deeper...Go DEEPER !!

_________________

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and
And talking about their lives.


One woman said,
"I call my husband the dentist.
Nobody can drill like he does."



The second woman giggled and confessed,
"I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."


The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked,
"Say, what do you call your husband?"


She frowned and said,
"The postman.



He always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

_________________

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.

They pass each other.

Woman yells out window, “PIG!”
Man yells out window, “BITCH!”

Man rounds curve.
Man crashes into a huge pig in the middle of road and dies.

Thought for the day:
If men would just listen.

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_________________

sexism !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot believe we have sexist stuff on websponge

_________________

_________________

A woman was standing partially nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.


She was not
happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly.


I really need you to pay me a compliment."


The husband replies, "Your eyesight's dang near perfect."

_________________

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it".

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1,000 an inch".

The man perks up.

"So", the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you've been married for forty-five years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision".

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife"?

"Yes I have", says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision"?

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision"? asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops".

_________________

We do?

Where?

Webby wouldn't want wrongdoing!!

When? Who by?

Who will work with webster?

_________________
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where?????



*goes to look*

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