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Our newest member Shellyshell
Welcome to Websponge. Sarcasm is just another service we offer.
Join the spongeboard and you wont visit another forum ever (this is a total lie, but its good marketing). Lots of funnies, pictures, discussion and some hidden bits which require post whore status.
Please feel free to look around and call kevin gay, we all do, because he is. He listens too REM ffs!
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels. The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly. 'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. 'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. 'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
Top Quotes From the 2008 Olympics Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics:
1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
BRITAIN'S high street banks are to start writing stuff down, it was confirmed last night.
Under the new system names, addresses, dates of birth and account details will be inscribed on pieces of paper by specially trained staff.
The pieces of paper will then be stored alphabetically in tall, locked cabinets in a secure room.
Julian Cook, banking analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "At the moment banks store all of your really important, sensitive information on a plastic stick the size of a teaspoon.
"They then give this stick to a 17-year old temp who puts it in his pocket so it will fall out the moment he sits down on the bus.
"Or, like NatWest, they put it all on a laptop and then just give it to some random bloke for 35 quid."
Martin Bishop, an economist at the Institute for Studies, said: "Captain Mainwaring never lost anyone's account details, and he had to deal with Nazis and the bloody air raid warden."
He added: "Writing everything down would also create thousands of new jobs.
"Britain would once again become an EM Forster novel where everyone who was not a woman or a homosexual aristocrat was a clerk. Possibly on the railways."
NatWest customer Nikki Hollis said she was unconcerned by the latest data loss scandal as thanks to the credit crunch, inflation and the bank's overdraft fees she had 'fuck all money anyway'.
My Gran came round the other day with a new lycra suit for me, and smiled as she told me I could live my dream, and if I practiced hard enough I could make the 2012 Olympics!
I smiled back and thanked her. I'd hadn't the heart to tell the daft old bitch that she had misheard me; What I had actually said last week was I have always dreamed of entering an Olympic gymnast.
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